28 weeks!

  Today I am 28 weeks and 1 day pregnant. This is another milestone in twin pregnancy since twins are a little more prone to arriving this early. If born this week, the twins would have a 90% chance of survival! It's such a great relief because this whole journey has been a bit scary. Every Braxton hicks makes me a little panicky that it's the start of something. I feel very blessed to have made it this far. I also feel very huge and even more sore than last week. I feel like there's so much pressure in my lower abdomen right now and I haven't the slightest clue how I'll make it to mid-November. Yet, I'm still determined! 
  I'm still working, which wasn't exactly planned. My boss scheduled me for this week and I didn't want to tell her that I can't do it. There's only two more shifts and then I'm done anyway. I'm just hoping they're extremely easy ones. I just know that I won't have any income while I'm on leave. My husband doesn't really want to give me spending money which is kind of frustrating. I know that I won't have a lot of opportunities to go out and use it anyway, but taking care of two young kids while being in the third trimester of a twin pregnancy is hard work. I'm only going to get bigger and have more trouble getting around. Then the twins will be here and I'll be in charge 100% of night times with them. Plus, no day naps because of the older two. I'm going to be run pretty ragged. It would just be nice to know that if I did get the chance to leave the house to get a massage, or a pedicure, or something that makes me feel like a living human and not a zombie that I would be able to afford to do that. Instead he told me that if I want money I have to keep working. 
  It's like "yeah, I know! I should have stopped working a month ago, but guess what? I wanted to continue to contribute to  paying our bills and have a tiny bit of spending money for myself.. which, by the way, I used to buy the kids Halloween costumes and completely fund our daughters birthday party and other things like that." Money is the biggest problem with us. It's not that we don't have enough, it's that he doesn't like to share it. This is why I'll have to go back to work as soon as I'm healed from child birth. The winters at my job are pretty slow though, so it won't be that bad. I'll be home with the kids most of the week and work a few hours on the weekend. Part of me just wants to keep working now. I feel like maybe I should just work through the month of October even though it'll be very uncomfortable. My body isn't agreeing with my mind, though. After working busy days, I lay in bed and night writhing around in pain. Plus, my doctor told me I should stop once I reach 28 weeks. If it would increase my odds of having the babies too soon it's clearly not worth it for a couple extra hundred dollars in my pocket. 
  My baby shower was supposed to be October 7th, which is only 12 days from now. However, I keep getting calls and texts from people asking why they haven't received invites to it. All I can say is that my friend's busy and it probably isn't going to happen at this point. Maybe the day will be moved, I don't know. I'm not about to grill her on it. It was nice of her to offer me a shower and if it can't happen, it can't happen. That's the latest news. 
  I'm feeling a lot of anxiety. It's my own fault, in the money department. I booked a cruise for my husband and my anniversary for next year. It was a good deal and I don't have to pay the rest of the bill until July of next year. I'll have the money by then, otherwise I wouldn't have booked it. Still, it would have been nice to make small payments each month just to not have to worry about it. It's going to be fine. For some reason it just enters my brain at the worst times, like 3am this morning and prevented me from falling back to sleep until 5am. It's kind of silly. The other thing is that I'm anxious about the childbirth. Not knowing when it's going to happen, or how it's going to happen, or where it's going to happen. I'm clearly a planner and this is very difficult on me. I've read so many twin childbirth stories and I've known that blood loss is a big issue, but reading the stories just tells me how common it actually is. Many need blood transfusions and a longer recovery. And if my babies have to spend time in the NICU, how long will they be there? My original plan was to keep them out completely but it seems like it's more likely they'll have some type of stay in the NICU. I'm hoping and praying to make it to at least 34 weeks so my regular OB can deliver them, I spoke with her about it at my last appointment. If I could make it to 36 weeks I would be the happiest. 
  Maybe the work and money drama just takes my mind off of the bigger stressor. I have faith in God and I believe in my heart that everything is going to be ok. It's just hard not having the slightest clue of what to expect. The best thing is that they're doing great. I have another ultrasound October 1st to see how much they've grown. That's probably when I'll write my next post unless something happens between then. Let's hope its an uneventful week.