Today I am 28 weeks and 1 day pregnant. This is another milestone in twin pregnancy since twins are a little more prone to arriving this early. If born this week, the twins would have a 90% chance of survival! It's such a great relief because this whole journey has been a bit scary. Every Braxton hicks makes me a little panicky that it's the start of something. I feel very blessed to have made it this far. I also feel very huge and even more sore than last week. I feel like there's so much pressure in my lower abdomen right now and I haven't the slightest clue how I'll make it to mid-November. Yet, I'm still determined!
I'm still working, which wasn't exactly planned. My boss scheduled me for this week and I didn't want to tell her that I can't do it. There's only two more shifts and then I'm done anyway. I'm just hoping they're extremely easy ones. I just know that I won't have any income while I'm on leave. My husband doesn't really want to give me spending money which is kind of frustrating. I know that I won't have a lot of opportunities to go out and use it anyway, but taking care of two young kids while being in the third trimester of a twin pregnancy is hard work. I'm only going to get bigger and have more trouble getting around. Then the twins will be here and I'll be in charge 100% of night times with them. Plus, no day naps because of the older two. I'm going to be run pretty ragged. It would just be nice to know that if I did get the chance to leave the house to get a massage, or a pedicure, or something that makes me feel like a living human and not a zombie that I would be able to afford to do that. Instead he told me that if I want money I have to keep working.
It's like "yeah, I know! I should have stopped working a month ago, but guess what? I wanted to continue to contribute to paying our bills and have a tiny bit of spending money for myself.. which, by the way, I used to buy the kids Halloween costumes and completely fund our daughters birthday party and other things like that." Money is the biggest problem with us. It's not that we don't have enough, it's that he doesn't like to share it. This is why I'll have to go back to work as soon as I'm healed from child birth. The winters at my job are pretty slow though, so it won't be that bad. I'll be home with the kids most of the week and work a few hours on the weekend. Part of me just wants to keep working now. I feel like maybe I should just work through the month of October even though it'll be very uncomfortable. My body isn't agreeing with my mind, though. After working busy days, I lay in bed and night writhing around in pain. Plus, my doctor told me I should stop once I reach 28 weeks. If it would increase my odds of having the babies too soon it's clearly not worth it for a couple extra hundred dollars in my pocket.
My baby shower was supposed to be October 7th, which is only 12 days from now. However, I keep getting calls and texts from people asking why they haven't received invites to it. All I can say is that my friend's busy and it probably isn't going to happen at this point. Maybe the day will be moved, I don't know. I'm not about to grill her on it. It was nice of her to offer me a shower and if it can't happen, it can't happen. That's the latest news.
I'm feeling a lot of anxiety. It's my own fault, in the money department. I booked a cruise for my husband and my anniversary for next year. It was a good deal and I don't have to pay the rest of the bill until July of next year. I'll have the money by then, otherwise I wouldn't have booked it. Still, it would have been nice to make small payments each month just to not have to worry about it. It's going to be fine. For some reason it just enters my brain at the worst times, like 3am this morning and prevented me from falling back to sleep until 5am. It's kind of silly. The other thing is that I'm anxious about the childbirth. Not knowing when it's going to happen, or how it's going to happen, or where it's going to happen. I'm clearly a planner and this is very difficult on me. I've read so many twin childbirth stories and I've known that blood loss is a big issue, but reading the stories just tells me how common it actually is. Many need blood transfusions and a longer recovery. And if my babies have to spend time in the NICU, how long will they be there? My original plan was to keep them out completely but it seems like it's more likely they'll have some type of stay in the NICU. I'm hoping and praying to make it to at least 34 weeks so my regular OB can deliver them, I spoke with her about it at my last appointment. If I could make it to 36 weeks I would be the happiest.
Maybe the work and money drama just takes my mind off of the bigger stressor. I have faith in God and I believe in my heart that everything is going to be ok. It's just hard not having the slightest clue of what to expect. The best thing is that they're doing great. I have another ultrasound October 1st to see how much they've grown. That's probably when I'll write my next post unless something happens between then. Let's hope its an uneventful week.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Monday, September 10, 2018
Then to Now
In 2012 my husband and I were surprised to find we would be expecting a baby girl. This was a surprise due to the fact that I was in the process of figuring out why my body wasn't acting right. There were many months when I wouldn't have a period at all and then some months that I would bleed for several weeks straight. So our daughter was a huge surprise and amazing blessing to us. The pregnancy was healthy and I gave birth to her in October of 2012. The doctors said she was born at 37 weeks but I'm not sure I agree. There was no way at all to tell when I had actually conceived her. She was born weight 8lbs 5oz. My son was born July 2015 at 39 weeks weighing 8lbs 7oz. Their similar size tells me she was probably closer to 39 weeks as well. I know I kind of skipped ahead a few years there. Having my daughter seemed to regulate my cycles and when we decided to try for baby number two, it only took a couple of months.
My pregnancy with my son was very healthy, as well. I kept very active and stayed in great shape. The biggest difference was that I couldn't nap when I wanted to. My daughter had given up naps not too long after I conceived. I was really tired but it prepared me for life with a two (almost three) year old and a newborn. My daughter was the type of baby who slept through the night starting at only 2 months of age. I didn't realize how spoiled I was by this! My son was the complete opposite. In fact, he's three now and still gets up at least once in the night. It probably wasn't helpful that we moved to a couple new houses in his first year of life. He didn't have much time to grow comfortable in his own room.
Spring of 2016 we had settled into our new home, it was such a refreshing change. The town we had moved to was a much safer place to live than our previous residence. This was my fourth year as a stay at home mom and finally I felt safe enough to take my children outside to play. I was training for the Chicago marathon, so I took them out in the jogging stroller every single day for several hours until September when I messed up my hips. With only a few weeks until the marathon there wasn't enough time to get my body back in shape. It turned out that I had herniated a couple discs and the doctors were very against continuing on with the marathon. Needless to say, after all of the months and hours spent training for this, I was so bummed out. After about a month I was walking without pain and stuck with playing with the kids in our backyard. Fall is my favorite time of the year and they loved helping me and their dad rake leaves and dig out an area to build a fire pit. After a fabulous year of spending time outside, it was extra hard being cooped up for the winter. The holidays passed quickly and the end of December had arrived. I was still nursing my son so it wasn't that strange how late my period was that month. Even though, through the months of marathon training I had managed to stay pretty regular. I had some pregnancy tests left over from 2014 when we were trying to conceive our son. They were outdated so I didn't read too far into it when I saw a bunch of faint positives. Still, I figured I should probably double check with a more reliable test. My husband bought some first response tests and we were really surprised to see a faint but obvious positive on the first one I took! After the initial shock passed, I became extremely panicky! We had just moved into a three bedroom house that year. There wasn't enough space for an extra baby. Plus, we couldn't afford a new car and we would definitely need one to fit three car seats! I couldn't hide my panic from my husband but he remained cool, calm, and collected. He assured me that everything would be fine and we would make it work. With that, I started thinking of all the positives the new baby would bring. I was somehow convinced immediately that the baby was a girl and I could almost picture just what she looked like. Our daughters room was large enough for two to share and if we bought some narrow car seats they could probably fit in the Honda Civic. Her name came easily to me, my husbands father had just passed away that month and I thought it would be very special to name him/her after their late Papa.
The next day I used another first response pregnancy test and the line seemed a bit more faint than the day before. Over the next few days I bought more tests and the line disappeared before my very eyes. My husband didn't take the news very hard, he hadn't let himself fantasize the way that I had. As for me, my heart was broken. I spent the next five months in a dark funk. It began to change me, taking away the once extremely patient person that I was. I felt sad and alone. All I wanted was that baby back and I knew my husband would not be on board with trying for baby number three. So, I sucked it up and held it all deep inside until one day I decided I needed a change. In May of 2017 I started working again for the first time since 2012. My job was a little over an hour away from our house but I absolutely loved it. The pay was much more than I had expected and I actually learned how to speak "adult" again. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life, but all of those years staying home with them and doing nothing else I didn't know how to talk to people anymore. My mom lived about 15 minutes from my job so she would watch my kids for me while I worked and we often slept over at her house on busy weeks. I was only working part time so I still spent so much time with my children and I was able to reconnect with friends that I hadn't had time for in years. My bestfriend is the one who hired me at the job, so that was how the reconnection happened. I didn't necessarily go out and do much else other than work but it was enough to help me out of my funk. The only problem left was that me and the kids weren't seeing my husband much. This became extremely difficult as I switched from part time to full time that fall. The extra money helped us to quickly pay off a lot of debt that we had accumulated early in our relationship and we had a little ways left to go. My job slows down in the winter and it was around then that we realized our new home was worth so much more than what we paid for it. After many discussions and a few months of serious thought, we decided to sell our home and buy one closer to my work. This way I would be able to work full time in the spring and summer and be with my husband every day afterwards. The extra money meant we could afford a larger house and we decided that a four bedroom was what we wanted. In the process of all of this, I conjured up the nerve to speak with my husband about how I was still feeling deep inside. I still wanted a third baby and the desire didn't seem to be leaving me. I took him to dinner one night and let it all out on the table. Only now, I was working and we would have the extra space for the extra baby and we could even afford a larger vehicle. My plan was to work all through the pregnancy and return to part time once he or she was born. My husband was back and forth about it. He saw how important this was to me and he admitted it would make him happy as well but he worried that it would put off retiring. In the end, we decided on the not try not prevent method and just leave it to fate.
In the mean time, we had sold our house and found our dream home which was only about five minutes down the road from my moms house. During the closing period I found out that I was pregnant! I decided that I would wait until our first night in our new home and tell my husband in a very special way. I bought my daughter a shirt that said "big sis" and my son a shirt that said "big brother". Move in day was still several weeks away and it was not easy to keep the secret, yet I was very determined for everything to go just the way I planned. I took many pregnancy tests while I waited for the weeks to pass and I was surprised how quickly they progressed each day. With my son it took absolutely forever for my tests to grow so dark, but I just figured every pregnancy is different.
Only a couple of days before move in day we were thrown another curve ball. My daughter was having problems walking and after a long day and night of doctor appointments and hospital visits she was admitted to a children's hospital with a bone infection in her foot. She had grown very ill and we had no idea what a bone infection was or how its caused. It was only after many x-rays, ultrasounds and MRIs that she was diagnosed. None of the doctors could provide answers on how it happened but they were confident that she would be ok. The week was miserable for her as she experienced her first IV and had her blood drawn multiple times. She wouldn't eat and lost a few pounds but the antibiotics were working. My husband started moving some of our things into our new house but I told him that I wasn't going to join him until our daughter was there by my side. My daughter had been asking for a sister since Christmas time. My answer had always been, "That's something you'll need to ask Jesus for." So, I knew in this horrible time that it would mean so much to her to be the first to hear the big news. "I can't promise that it's a sister but Mommy's having another baby. Just don't tell Daddy. I have something very special planned and once you are all better and we move into our new house we can tell him together!"
As expected, this news really perked up her spirits. She told each and every doctor and nurse that came into the room that "Mommy is pregnant." I was pretty nervous that she would spill the beans to my husband but she kept her promise and my secret became our secret. At the end of the week she was showing enough improvement to be sent home with oral antibiotics (which were HORRIBLE, by the way, but I'm forever grateful that they worked). She and I left the hospital late one night and arrived at our beautiful new home around midnight. We all finally slept in our own beds that night for the first time in a long time. In the comfort of my own room, I cried thinking about everything. My world went from a positive pregnancy test, new home, so much excitement around the corner to not knowing if my daughter was going to be ok. Somehow we made it through that week and I really can't tell you how, other than by a gift of strength from God. When I woke up the next morning I was thankful for all of the blessings that surrounded me. I felt like I had always been thankful for my family but nothing opens your eyes more than scary moments like that. I dressed the kids in their new shirts and we went down to surprise my husband. He saw our daughter at first and said, "Is that a new shirt? Aw, how cute! Big sis. I love it." Our two year old was next in line and my husbands expression changed to confused. "Big brother? Shouldn't that say Little brother?" I told him, "Nope." and we ate our breakfast without another word about it. I feel like it was probably an hour later that he said, "I'm just really confused. Why would his say Big brother?" I just smiled at him as he put two and two together.
My husband is an emotional guy, the tears started flowing pretty fast. Then he started making the video calls to show everyone the shirts. No one had known that we were contemplating another baby so they were ecstatic. It was so nice finally being able to talk about the new pregnancy and it made it so much more real. My first appointment was right around the corner but it was one that I would be attending alone since it was during the day in the middle of the week. It didn't bother me, though. After two pregnancies I was not afraid to meet with the new OB on my own. I took that day off work, dropped the kids off at my moms, and made my way to the doctors office. It was my first meeting with her so I was really surprised, nervous, and excited to see that she had an ultrasound machine and planned to check out my baby that day. Part of me really wished my husband could be there but I was still in the mindset of "we've been through this twice before, it's not a big deal". It wasn't a big deal until the wand revealed some images that my Ob explained as, "Here's one baby. That little flicker is the heart beat. There's the other baby and the flickering heart beat." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I was alone for this information! My brain spun around inside my skull and I gripped my head with my hands trying to prevent my head from exploding. "How is this possible? My husband is going to freak out. Oh my gosh. Twins don't run in our families. This is impossible."
The doctor smiled and said "You're actually the second person I've surprised with this news today!" Then she went on to inform me that my twins had their own sacs and placentas so although I was high risk, I was at the lower end. She said that we wouldn't know if they were identical until birth because if the egg split early enough they would still have their own sacs and placentas. She then listed off all the risks and warned me of vanishing twin syndrome and probably a bunch of other stuff that the whirling of my mind blocked out. We set up my next appointment for twelve weeks to make sure the twins were still there. She gave me my photographic evidence and sent me on my way. In the beginning, my husband didn't take the news very well. That's putting it lightly. To paint a better picture, he acted as though the sky was falling and that I was the one who lassoed it up and yanked it down on him. I had to reach out to my family and friends to gather a supportive environment around me. I didn't want to feel any negative emotions about the twins because I didn't think that was very fair. Also, I have the knowledge that there's no scientific way that I could make myself become pregnant with twins, so there's that. My family and friends were beyond themselves with excitement and they focused on building me up and encouraging me that God doesn't make mistakes. Eventually my husband realized this too and became accepting of the idea, which gradually turned to happiness and excitement of his own. We will have four kids, but we also now have the room. We have our fourth bedroom which is larger than the master bedroom and big enough for two to grow in. We found a vehicle for a great price that has three rows and can fit two car seats and two booster seats. My mom lives five minutes down the street so I know I will have the help that I will desperately need. Everything worked out in such a way that this is not a disaster but a miracle that I could never have even dreamed of.
My husband joined me at my twelve week ultrasound to verify that both twins were in fact still there. He asked the doctor his own questions and had a much firmer grip on reality. We knew that there were still risks and for the most part there always would be. However, that didn't really hit home with me until a week later when I woke up to bright red bleeding. It was two o'clock in the morning and I didn't know what to do. After trying to go back to sleep and fearing I would deliver my babies in my bed, I picked up the phone and dialed the on call doctor at my OB office. He told me that I should go straight to the ER and call them back as soon as I had an update. My children had spent the night at my moms that night as I was supposed to work early in the morning, so luckily that was one issue covered. With a tear soaked face I got dressed and headed down the stairs to the front door. My husband said, "I need to leave for work in a few hours. I don't know what to do." I told him, "You can stay home if you feel like that's what you should do but I don't have a choice. I have to go." With that said, I drove myself to the ER, crying and praying the whole way. We listen to Christian radio stations and a song was playing with the lyrics "Fear, he is a liar.". I couldn't help but be comforted by this. It was a 15 minute drive, and in the wee hours of the morning the ER waiting room was empty. This is actually the very first time in my life that I've entered an ER waiting room and it wasn't jam packed with people. I signed in at the front desk and they got me right in! The hospital staff was amazing. They were comforting and uplifting and they ran their tests without a long drawn out wait. My husband did arrive in the process of all of this and I wasn't surprised. It's just how he is.
The verdict was placenta previa with partial placenta abruption. The ER doctor relayed this news to me very solemnly and I felt like he was telling me that I was going to lose one or both of my babies. He told me that I was free to go home but I should make a plan with my OB. I called my OB office as soon as they opened and they got me into an early appointment. She ran her own ultrasound and told me that what she saw were little pockets in the placenta and the bleeding was those pockets draining out. She said once they were drained that the issue would heal itself and that it was far too early to worry about placenta previa. She was right, by the way, about all of it. The bleeding stopped that day, there were no signs of pockets at my next appointment and my placenta had moved from my cervix within the next few weeks. I do feel, deep in my heart, that this scare is what really opened my husbands eyes. He has been so different ever since this happened and he knows that there are still risks. He hasn't been back with me to any of my appointments but there hasn't been any more scares at this point. I started seeing a maternal fetal medicine specialist and I don't love it. I've seen him twice, both ultrasounds have looked great, but he loves to remind me that we aren't out of the woods yet. With twins, 24 weeks is a huge milestone because the doctors will then do whatever they can to keep them alive if they're born that early. Still, at my 24 week visit with this guy he told me "nothings for certain until you reach 32 weeks". I've done my research and I know the chances of survival go up every week, so he's not exactly wrong. He just words things so carelessly. I'm 26 weeks along now and I can see my stomach jerk out as my babies practice their kicks and jabs. The words, "Nothing's for certain" just seem so cold.
I see my regular OB a week from today for my gestational diabetes testing. I plan to discuss the maternal fetal medicine specialist at that visit. Being a part of an online group for mamas expecting twins and seeing how many are experiencing shortening cervix, it makes me wonder why he's never had my cervix measured in any of my ultrasounds. I'm not taking maternity leave for a couple more weeks and considering I'm on my feet for several hours at work, I'd love to know if my cervix is changing. I would stop working a bit sooner and try to stay off of my feet while I can. I feel ok, for the most part, I have been having Braxton hicks contractions for a few weeks but have only had a couple actual moments of pain. I think I can get through these next two weeks at work and then try to rest as much as possible. I'm excited to have reached 26 weeks. My goal is to reach at least 35 weeks, anything extra is bonus. My OB won't let me go past 38 weeks though so I know the twins will be here by December 3rd. I've been reading as many twin birth stories as I can and I admit that it makes me nervous. I've never had a C-section and I know the likelihood of needing one is higher with twins. My doctor has already told me if baby A comes out head down and baby B is breach she will not attempt to bring him or her out vaginally (oh yeah, we're team green). So I would still be having a C-section for that second baby.
So, that's where I am now. 26 weeks pregnant with di/di team green babies. I'm guessing they'll be here at some point in November since twins are born on average around 35-36 weeks. That would put me between November 12-19. My belly is huge and it's crazy to me that it's going to get even larger! The babies are measuring a little ahead which is great. I know that ultrasounds measurements can be a little off but I'm hoping they're packing on the pounds since there's only a couple months left. We set up two cribs in the big loft room in our new house, plus a queen size bed for me to "sleep" in once they're here. My bestfriend is throwing me a baby shower next month even though this is my third pregnancy and I'm sure I'll be getting super judged for it. It was all her idea and I think it's very sweet of her. Only 8 people showed up to my baby shower with my first born and I had invited like 60, so we'll see how it turns out. I feel loved regardless. My kids are being very helpful as I grow and find it harder to use the stairs through out the day. Things are going great! I intend to update through the weeks and share my own birth story. I highly doubt that any of the following posts will be quite as long as this one. I'll be working these next two weeks and then passing the time doing my favorite fall activities with my kids! My daughter told me that for Halloween I should either dress as a big fat monster or a HUGE pumpkin. Today I'll leave you with that anticipation. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My pregnancy with my son was very healthy, as well. I kept very active and stayed in great shape. The biggest difference was that I couldn't nap when I wanted to. My daughter had given up naps not too long after I conceived. I was really tired but it prepared me for life with a two (almost three) year old and a newborn. My daughter was the type of baby who slept through the night starting at only 2 months of age. I didn't realize how spoiled I was by this! My son was the complete opposite. In fact, he's three now and still gets up at least once in the night. It probably wasn't helpful that we moved to a couple new houses in his first year of life. He didn't have much time to grow comfortable in his own room.
Spring of 2016 we had settled into our new home, it was such a refreshing change. The town we had moved to was a much safer place to live than our previous residence. This was my fourth year as a stay at home mom and finally I felt safe enough to take my children outside to play. I was training for the Chicago marathon, so I took them out in the jogging stroller every single day for several hours until September when I messed up my hips. With only a few weeks until the marathon there wasn't enough time to get my body back in shape. It turned out that I had herniated a couple discs and the doctors were very against continuing on with the marathon. Needless to say, after all of the months and hours spent training for this, I was so bummed out. After about a month I was walking without pain and stuck with playing with the kids in our backyard. Fall is my favorite time of the year and they loved helping me and their dad rake leaves and dig out an area to build a fire pit. After a fabulous year of spending time outside, it was extra hard being cooped up for the winter. The holidays passed quickly and the end of December had arrived. I was still nursing my son so it wasn't that strange how late my period was that month. Even though, through the months of marathon training I had managed to stay pretty regular. I had some pregnancy tests left over from 2014 when we were trying to conceive our son. They were outdated so I didn't read too far into it when I saw a bunch of faint positives. Still, I figured I should probably double check with a more reliable test. My husband bought some first response tests and we were really surprised to see a faint but obvious positive on the first one I took! After the initial shock passed, I became extremely panicky! We had just moved into a three bedroom house that year. There wasn't enough space for an extra baby. Plus, we couldn't afford a new car and we would definitely need one to fit three car seats! I couldn't hide my panic from my husband but he remained cool, calm, and collected. He assured me that everything would be fine and we would make it work. With that, I started thinking of all the positives the new baby would bring. I was somehow convinced immediately that the baby was a girl and I could almost picture just what she looked like. Our daughters room was large enough for two to share and if we bought some narrow car seats they could probably fit in the Honda Civic. Her name came easily to me, my husbands father had just passed away that month and I thought it would be very special to name him/her after their late Papa.
The next day I used another first response pregnancy test and the line seemed a bit more faint than the day before. Over the next few days I bought more tests and the line disappeared before my very eyes. My husband didn't take the news very hard, he hadn't let himself fantasize the way that I had. As for me, my heart was broken. I spent the next five months in a dark funk. It began to change me, taking away the once extremely patient person that I was. I felt sad and alone. All I wanted was that baby back and I knew my husband would not be on board with trying for baby number three. So, I sucked it up and held it all deep inside until one day I decided I needed a change. In May of 2017 I started working again for the first time since 2012. My job was a little over an hour away from our house but I absolutely loved it. The pay was much more than I had expected and I actually learned how to speak "adult" again. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life, but all of those years staying home with them and doing nothing else I didn't know how to talk to people anymore. My mom lived about 15 minutes from my job so she would watch my kids for me while I worked and we often slept over at her house on busy weeks. I was only working part time so I still spent so much time with my children and I was able to reconnect with friends that I hadn't had time for in years. My bestfriend is the one who hired me at the job, so that was how the reconnection happened. I didn't necessarily go out and do much else other than work but it was enough to help me out of my funk. The only problem left was that me and the kids weren't seeing my husband much. This became extremely difficult as I switched from part time to full time that fall. The extra money helped us to quickly pay off a lot of debt that we had accumulated early in our relationship and we had a little ways left to go. My job slows down in the winter and it was around then that we realized our new home was worth so much more than what we paid for it. After many discussions and a few months of serious thought, we decided to sell our home and buy one closer to my work. This way I would be able to work full time in the spring and summer and be with my husband every day afterwards. The extra money meant we could afford a larger house and we decided that a four bedroom was what we wanted. In the process of all of this, I conjured up the nerve to speak with my husband about how I was still feeling deep inside. I still wanted a third baby and the desire didn't seem to be leaving me. I took him to dinner one night and let it all out on the table. Only now, I was working and we would have the extra space for the extra baby and we could even afford a larger vehicle. My plan was to work all through the pregnancy and return to part time once he or she was born. My husband was back and forth about it. He saw how important this was to me and he admitted it would make him happy as well but he worried that it would put off retiring. In the end, we decided on the not try not prevent method and just leave it to fate.
In the mean time, we had sold our house and found our dream home which was only about five minutes down the road from my moms house. During the closing period I found out that I was pregnant! I decided that I would wait until our first night in our new home and tell my husband in a very special way. I bought my daughter a shirt that said "big sis" and my son a shirt that said "big brother". Move in day was still several weeks away and it was not easy to keep the secret, yet I was very determined for everything to go just the way I planned. I took many pregnancy tests while I waited for the weeks to pass and I was surprised how quickly they progressed each day. With my son it took absolutely forever for my tests to grow so dark, but I just figured every pregnancy is different.
Only a couple of days before move in day we were thrown another curve ball. My daughter was having problems walking and after a long day and night of doctor appointments and hospital visits she was admitted to a children's hospital with a bone infection in her foot. She had grown very ill and we had no idea what a bone infection was or how its caused. It was only after many x-rays, ultrasounds and MRIs that she was diagnosed. None of the doctors could provide answers on how it happened but they were confident that she would be ok. The week was miserable for her as she experienced her first IV and had her blood drawn multiple times. She wouldn't eat and lost a few pounds but the antibiotics were working. My husband started moving some of our things into our new house but I told him that I wasn't going to join him until our daughter was there by my side. My daughter had been asking for a sister since Christmas time. My answer had always been, "That's something you'll need to ask Jesus for." So, I knew in this horrible time that it would mean so much to her to be the first to hear the big news. "I can't promise that it's a sister but Mommy's having another baby. Just don't tell Daddy. I have something very special planned and once you are all better and we move into our new house we can tell him together!"
As expected, this news really perked up her spirits. She told each and every doctor and nurse that came into the room that "Mommy is pregnant." I was pretty nervous that she would spill the beans to my husband but she kept her promise and my secret became our secret. At the end of the week she was showing enough improvement to be sent home with oral antibiotics (which were HORRIBLE, by the way, but I'm forever grateful that they worked). She and I left the hospital late one night and arrived at our beautiful new home around midnight. We all finally slept in our own beds that night for the first time in a long time. In the comfort of my own room, I cried thinking about everything. My world went from a positive pregnancy test, new home, so much excitement around the corner to not knowing if my daughter was going to be ok. Somehow we made it through that week and I really can't tell you how, other than by a gift of strength from God. When I woke up the next morning I was thankful for all of the blessings that surrounded me. I felt like I had always been thankful for my family but nothing opens your eyes more than scary moments like that. I dressed the kids in their new shirts and we went down to surprise my husband. He saw our daughter at first and said, "Is that a new shirt? Aw, how cute! Big sis. I love it." Our two year old was next in line and my husbands expression changed to confused. "Big brother? Shouldn't that say Little brother?" I told him, "Nope." and we ate our breakfast without another word about it. I feel like it was probably an hour later that he said, "I'm just really confused. Why would his say Big brother?" I just smiled at him as he put two and two together.
My husband is an emotional guy, the tears started flowing pretty fast. Then he started making the video calls to show everyone the shirts. No one had known that we were contemplating another baby so they were ecstatic. It was so nice finally being able to talk about the new pregnancy and it made it so much more real. My first appointment was right around the corner but it was one that I would be attending alone since it was during the day in the middle of the week. It didn't bother me, though. After two pregnancies I was not afraid to meet with the new OB on my own. I took that day off work, dropped the kids off at my moms, and made my way to the doctors office. It was my first meeting with her so I was really surprised, nervous, and excited to see that she had an ultrasound machine and planned to check out my baby that day. Part of me really wished my husband could be there but I was still in the mindset of "we've been through this twice before, it's not a big deal". It wasn't a big deal until the wand revealed some images that my Ob explained as, "Here's one baby. That little flicker is the heart beat. There's the other baby and the flickering heart beat." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
I was alone for this information! My brain spun around inside my skull and I gripped my head with my hands trying to prevent my head from exploding. "How is this possible? My husband is going to freak out. Oh my gosh. Twins don't run in our families. This is impossible."
The doctor smiled and said "You're actually the second person I've surprised with this news today!" Then she went on to inform me that my twins had their own sacs and placentas so although I was high risk, I was at the lower end. She said that we wouldn't know if they were identical until birth because if the egg split early enough they would still have their own sacs and placentas. She then listed off all the risks and warned me of vanishing twin syndrome and probably a bunch of other stuff that the whirling of my mind blocked out. We set up my next appointment for twelve weeks to make sure the twins were still there. She gave me my photographic evidence and sent me on my way. In the beginning, my husband didn't take the news very well. That's putting it lightly. To paint a better picture, he acted as though the sky was falling and that I was the one who lassoed it up and yanked it down on him. I had to reach out to my family and friends to gather a supportive environment around me. I didn't want to feel any negative emotions about the twins because I didn't think that was very fair. Also, I have the knowledge that there's no scientific way that I could make myself become pregnant with twins, so there's that. My family and friends were beyond themselves with excitement and they focused on building me up and encouraging me that God doesn't make mistakes. Eventually my husband realized this too and became accepting of the idea, which gradually turned to happiness and excitement of his own. We will have four kids, but we also now have the room. We have our fourth bedroom which is larger than the master bedroom and big enough for two to grow in. We found a vehicle for a great price that has three rows and can fit two car seats and two booster seats. My mom lives five minutes down the street so I know I will have the help that I will desperately need. Everything worked out in such a way that this is not a disaster but a miracle that I could never have even dreamed of.
My husband joined me at my twelve week ultrasound to verify that both twins were in fact still there. He asked the doctor his own questions and had a much firmer grip on reality. We knew that there were still risks and for the most part there always would be. However, that didn't really hit home with me until a week later when I woke up to bright red bleeding. It was two o'clock in the morning and I didn't know what to do. After trying to go back to sleep and fearing I would deliver my babies in my bed, I picked up the phone and dialed the on call doctor at my OB office. He told me that I should go straight to the ER and call them back as soon as I had an update. My children had spent the night at my moms that night as I was supposed to work early in the morning, so luckily that was one issue covered. With a tear soaked face I got dressed and headed down the stairs to the front door. My husband said, "I need to leave for work in a few hours. I don't know what to do." I told him, "You can stay home if you feel like that's what you should do but I don't have a choice. I have to go." With that said, I drove myself to the ER, crying and praying the whole way. We listen to Christian radio stations and a song was playing with the lyrics "Fear, he is a liar.". I couldn't help but be comforted by this. It was a 15 minute drive, and in the wee hours of the morning the ER waiting room was empty. This is actually the very first time in my life that I've entered an ER waiting room and it wasn't jam packed with people. I signed in at the front desk and they got me right in! The hospital staff was amazing. They were comforting and uplifting and they ran their tests without a long drawn out wait. My husband did arrive in the process of all of this and I wasn't surprised. It's just how he is.
The verdict was placenta previa with partial placenta abruption. The ER doctor relayed this news to me very solemnly and I felt like he was telling me that I was going to lose one or both of my babies. He told me that I was free to go home but I should make a plan with my OB. I called my OB office as soon as they opened and they got me into an early appointment. She ran her own ultrasound and told me that what she saw were little pockets in the placenta and the bleeding was those pockets draining out. She said once they were drained that the issue would heal itself and that it was far too early to worry about placenta previa. She was right, by the way, about all of it. The bleeding stopped that day, there were no signs of pockets at my next appointment and my placenta had moved from my cervix within the next few weeks. I do feel, deep in my heart, that this scare is what really opened my husbands eyes. He has been so different ever since this happened and he knows that there are still risks. He hasn't been back with me to any of my appointments but there hasn't been any more scares at this point. I started seeing a maternal fetal medicine specialist and I don't love it. I've seen him twice, both ultrasounds have looked great, but he loves to remind me that we aren't out of the woods yet. With twins, 24 weeks is a huge milestone because the doctors will then do whatever they can to keep them alive if they're born that early. Still, at my 24 week visit with this guy he told me "nothings for certain until you reach 32 weeks". I've done my research and I know the chances of survival go up every week, so he's not exactly wrong. He just words things so carelessly. I'm 26 weeks along now and I can see my stomach jerk out as my babies practice their kicks and jabs. The words, "Nothing's for certain" just seem so cold.
I see my regular OB a week from today for my gestational diabetes testing. I plan to discuss the maternal fetal medicine specialist at that visit. Being a part of an online group for mamas expecting twins and seeing how many are experiencing shortening cervix, it makes me wonder why he's never had my cervix measured in any of my ultrasounds. I'm not taking maternity leave for a couple more weeks and considering I'm on my feet for several hours at work, I'd love to know if my cervix is changing. I would stop working a bit sooner and try to stay off of my feet while I can. I feel ok, for the most part, I have been having Braxton hicks contractions for a few weeks but have only had a couple actual moments of pain. I think I can get through these next two weeks at work and then try to rest as much as possible. I'm excited to have reached 26 weeks. My goal is to reach at least 35 weeks, anything extra is bonus. My OB won't let me go past 38 weeks though so I know the twins will be here by December 3rd. I've been reading as many twin birth stories as I can and I admit that it makes me nervous. I've never had a C-section and I know the likelihood of needing one is higher with twins. My doctor has already told me if baby A comes out head down and baby B is breach she will not attempt to bring him or her out vaginally (oh yeah, we're team green). So I would still be having a C-section for that second baby.
So, that's where I am now. 26 weeks pregnant with di/di team green babies. I'm guessing they'll be here at some point in November since twins are born on average around 35-36 weeks. That would put me between November 12-19. My belly is huge and it's crazy to me that it's going to get even larger! The babies are measuring a little ahead which is great. I know that ultrasounds measurements can be a little off but I'm hoping they're packing on the pounds since there's only a couple months left. We set up two cribs in the big loft room in our new house, plus a queen size bed for me to "sleep" in once they're here. My bestfriend is throwing me a baby shower next month even though this is my third pregnancy and I'm sure I'll be getting super judged for it. It was all her idea and I think it's very sweet of her. Only 8 people showed up to my baby shower with my first born and I had invited like 60, so we'll see how it turns out. I feel loved regardless. My kids are being very helpful as I grow and find it harder to use the stairs through out the day. Things are going great! I intend to update through the weeks and share my own birth story. I highly doubt that any of the following posts will be quite as long as this one. I'll be working these next two weeks and then passing the time doing my favorite fall activities with my kids! My daughter told me that for Halloween I should either dress as a big fat monster or a HUGE pumpkin. Today I'll leave you with that anticipation. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)